Today I have been appreciating reading Jon Kabat-Zinn* on 'voluntary simplicity'. I regularly write myself a 'Keep simple...' reminder on the fridge magnetic board. It's not easy, there is always something else we could be doing, but it is really interesting to notice how the impulse to do do do is so habitual and ingrained, and the strange way it has me behaving sometimes. How often it has me dashing about almost late, and feeling frazzled. A different way of being starts with becoming more aware... noticing driven doing (with friendliness and curiosity)...
Voluntary simplicity ~ Jon Kabat Zinn, Wherever you go, there you are 'The impulse frequently arises in me to squeeze another this or another that into this moment. Just this phone call, just stopping off here on my way there. Never mind that it might be in the opposite direction. I've learned to identify this impulse and mistrust it. I work hard at saying no to it. It would have me eat breakfast with my eyes riveted to the cereal box; this impulse doesn't care what it feeds on, as long as it is feeding. The newspaper is an even better draw, or whatever else is around. It scavenges to fill time, conspires with my mind to keep me unconscious... while I actually miss breakfast. It has me unavailable to others at those times, missing the play of light on the table, the energies of the moment... I like to practice voluntary simplicity to counter such impulses. It involved intentionally doing only one thing at a time and making sure I am here for it. Within the organized chaos and complexity of family life and work, with all their demands and responsibilities, frustrations and gifts, there is ample opportunity for choosing simplicity in small ways. I practice saying no to keep my life simple, and I find I never do it enough. It's a discipline all its own, tricky, but well worth the effort.'
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Plate spinning. Head spinning.
Noticing jitteriness in the body this morning as Monday begins. A trembling in the chest and tummy, agitated mind, prone to distraction and attempting to juggle many different things at once, physically and mentally. Stopping, breathing. Here's agitation and anxiety. Whatever is here is ok. How does this feel in the body? Coming to an anchor - feeling the feet, the body moving. What does this moment need? Some more food. A glass of water. To pause and sit and breathe. There is time enough for everything. And another post on this fundamental theme of what meditation is and is not. Not evasion but a serene encounter with reality. Not striving, not fixing, but allowing, seeing clearly and befriending what is here in this moment. A capacity we all have, a life's practice.
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche writes... "When I first learned to meditate, I hoped it would help me get rid of all my flaws and shortcomings. Everyone else I knew seemed so calm and confident, but I was filled with anxiety. I was attracted to meditation because I imagined a new, improved me. One without the fear and anxiety. One who wasn’t so sensitive and easily overwhelmed. I tried and tried to meditate my way to freedom. Meditation became my weapon in my battle against my own mind. But it didn’t work. There were times when my mind was calm and the panic seemed to disappear, but then it would re-emerge with even more force, and any small amount of confidence I’d developed would vanish like mist. The big breakthrough came when I finally gave up. I had been fighting my emotions for so long, with so little success, that I finally let myself entertain a new possibility: maybe I couldn’t be fixed—not because I was fundamentally flawed, but because I wasn’t broken." https://www.lionsroar.com/buddhanature-youre-perfect-as-yo…/ On #WorldKindnessDay, may we make every day a kindness day.
'The qualities of befriending, compassion, joy and equanimity are fundamental to mindfulness training. In Buddhist psychology, they are seen as capacities that can be cultivated, trained and naturalized in the same way that attention can be trained and developed.' 'We are always practising something, and whatever we practice tends to grow stronger. So we may as well practice qualities of mind that support our well-being and the well-being of those around us.' 'Moments of warmth, happiness, compassion and poise cannot be contrived, yet they can be cultivated. We can learn and develop the inner capacity and intentionality that incline the mind toward the lovely, healing and liberating qualities within us all.' (Mindfulness: Ancient Wisdom meets Modern Psychology ~Christina Feldman and Willem Kukyen) Pema Chödrön on loving kindness in meditation...
'When people start to meditate they often think that somehow they are going to improve, which is a sort of subtle aggression against who they really are. It's a bit like saying "if I jog I'll be a much better person", "if I could only get a nice house I'd be a better person", "if I could meditate and calm down I'd be a better person". Or the scenario may be that they find fault with others. They might say "if it weren't for my husband I'd have a perfect marriage", "if it weren't for the fact that my boss and I can't get on my job would be just great" and "if it weren't for my mind my meditation would be excellent". But loving kindness towards ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. Loving-kindness means that we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change ourselves. Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already.' I recently attended an insight meditation day retreat in Oxford led by Kirsten Kratz – it made a big impact on me and I have wanted to write something about it ever since. I realised today that rather ironically, I felt I couldn’t do it justice, it wouldn’t be ‘good enough’. So on this rainy Saturday afternoon with a quiet house and cat curled up by my side, here goes…
How often do you hear the inner voice, the unbidden thought, that says ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘do more’, ‘do better’, ‘you are lacking’…? Kirsten spoke about ‘not enough’ – how ‘enough’ seems unattainable in this world, always out of reach. As though there is always more we should be striving for, driving ourselves on, often in destructive ways. Yet in a world of finite resources, this in clearly an unsustainable way of living. I appreciated how Kirsten encouraged us to look with curiosity for the beauty and preciousness in the voice of ‘not enough’. Where does this come from? Is it borne of the wish to make a difference, to find meaning and purpose in this world, to do better? Can we therefore hold the ‘not enough’ voice in gentle, kind awareness too? Settling with a sense of ‘good enough’ is not the same as settling for mediocrity. Instead there is a natural tension set up between ‘not enough’ and ‘good enough’ that we can work with skilfully, with awareness and compassion. After a morning of grounding practice, followed by Kirsten’s talk, we shared a meditative inquiry in pairs, gradually dropping the question as a pebble three times into our consciousness and seeing what came to us in response… ~When nothing you do is ever enough, what do you do?~ Many had interesting insights to share with the group; mine felt more messy and hard to express, but in the spirit of ‘good enough’, they were right for me just as they were. If I could share something now that I have taken with me, it would be that I will continue to ask myself this question and reflect upon it often… ~When nothing you do is ever enough, what do you do?~ If you have some time to listen to the teacher herself, here is a talk (from a longer retreat, 26/2/2019) given by Kirsten on this topic. It includes Kirsten’s reflections on responding to the challenges of our times – the climate and ecological emergency – when met with very natural and powerful thoughts of ‘I could never do enough’. https://dharmaseed.org/teacher/387/ |
AuthorI'm Claire - and I (re)learn something every day from practising and teaching mindfulness... Archives
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