A fellow parent got in touch with me recently to ask for advice on how to support their child emotionally at this time. Their child had shared feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, and worry - without quite being able to express why.
My heart went out to them, and I also know that they are not alone in this experience. It is so helpful if our children can name their feelings and share them with us. As human beings, and especially as parents, our very natural reaction is to want to fix the more difficult emotions that our children express – we don’t want our children to be struggling in this way. So, our problem-solving minds get busy trying to fix. But our inner emotional states are ancient brain phenomena. When we try to ‘fix’ them we can end up getting entangled and making things worse. Our mood states are also complex, they can be a real meshing together of different thoughts and emotions, hard to pull apart and name, even harder to understand sometimes why they are here. And if there were ever a time for so many of our children to be confused, tired and struggling with complex emotions, it would be now, in these strange times. So, what can we do? Just be there.
In the mindfulness sessions I have guided in schools we talk about emotions coming and going like the weather . It is helpful to regularly check in on our emotional weather. When we do this, we can’t help but become aware of its changing nature. We also say that if a particular weather feels set in, and stays around longer than we feel it should, that is a time to talk to a carer or teacher, who will be able to help. Mindfulness practice supports us to notice, gently feel into and (perhaps) name what’s here for us, to allow space for emotions to be here, without jumping in to fix and banish them prematurely, to wrap our experience in kindness, and then ask how we can best take care of ourselves. We may come to find that emotions change and disperse in their own time given space. However, if you become concerned that a difficult mood state has been here too long, for a loved one or yourself, then it is time to consider seeking further advice and support. By practising awareness and compassion for our complex emotional selves, we can model this for our children. This may be one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
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I’m no brush pen artist, but our 10-year-old was so remarkably keen to do his home-school assignment this morning – creating an ‘A to Z of self care’ – that I wanted to join in too.
Sharing not so much to show you mine as to get you thinking about your own… What keeps you well? DO THAT!!! *If you get really into this (and ask nicely to borrow their pens) any children thereabouts might be encouraged to join in too… ‘feeling Awesome… Exercise/Energy… Keeping well fed… Minecraft… Puzzles… Rest… aXolotls…’ Offered on a freely given or pay-what-you-can basis.
Expressions of interest welcomed for the 8-week Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy for Life group course. We are passionate about making mindfulness-based life skills available to anyone who would like to learn them. Practising mindfulness regularly helps us:
Oxford Mindfulness Centre-trained; BAMBA registered; all teaching currently online Please get in touch to register interest and discuss whether this is the right course at the right time for you. ‘…a truly life-changing experience for me. One of my reasons for coming was because I had experienced a lot of low moods and also wanted to find a way out of some recurring anxiety issues. The course has helped me in a new and liberating way.’ (recent course participant) |
AuthorI'm Claire - and I (re)learn something every day from practising and teaching mindfulness... Archives
March 2022
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