If you have ever contemplated going on a meditation retreat, there has probably never been a better time to try an online retreat - perhaps for a day, or longer*. I was due to join the Gaia House ‘Courage to Belong’ retreat in Devon this week and had been very much looking forward to it. As retreat centres are closed, the Gaia House teachers are currently offering their guidance online and, noticing a few reservations, I decided to give it a go...
And of course it’s been different. But incredibly valuable too. I spent the first day or two getting my bearings and noticing thoughts and feelings about not being able to 'get the most' from the retreat, in the midst of a busy home while caring for our boys. Planning came with frustrations and anxiety about whether the stars would align for me to sit down and join scheduled sessions, as well as stories and judgements about what other participants (home alone) might be able to experience... Yep so here it all is. My experience of retreat holding up a mirror to learn about habitual tendencies and the veils through which I sometimes see life. That’s what meditation practices do so beautifully, especially over a more intensive period of practising. I came to see and smile at these struggles, and to fully embrace the fact that this retreat, this very one, was the one I was meant to be having at this time. So there were difficulties, and also discoveries...
I’m normally able to attend one retreat at Gaia House each year, but with online retreats now a possibility, I am tentatively thinking about another in July. 🙂 *Take care if you decide to explore an online retreat – choose well-qualified teachers, go gently especially if you have not done something like this before, as doing this from home does mean that you don’t have the support of the retreat teachers and staff around you. And remember to listen to your mind, heart, body; that everything is invitational. Image: Gaia House and poppies
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The power that comes from intentionally choosing what we practice... 🦎💗
'If you want to help yourself feel less concerned, uneasy, nervous, anxious, or traumatized – feelings and reactions that are highly affected by “reptilian,” brainstem-related processes – then you need many, many repetitions of feeling safe, protected, and at ease' Practice becoming aware, without judgement, of the ongoing background trickle of anxiety in your mind and body. Practice gently opening and softening to this, letting in the knowing that here and now you are safe. Repeat as many times as you can remember and this will become a new habit. https://www.rickhanson.net/pet-the-lizard/?fbclid=IwAR2OOIqd7R5H3mOjPDoQNv4OgaBkbAdhH5ZJk3XTsmIWdb5dFLSR_QN-vcw I like to open a poetry book at random and see what it wants to share with me today. This poem moved me to tears recently - a reminder of the impermanence of everything; important because clinging on to impermanent things hurts. And at the same time the deep nourishment that comes from taking time to let in the joyful and precious when it is here. Of being awake and alive in this moment.
Snow Geese by Mary Oliver Oh, to love what is lovely, and will not last! What a task to ask of anything, or anyone, yet it is ours, and not by the century or the year, but by the hours. One fall day I heard above me, and above the sting of the wind, a sound I did not know, and my look shot upward; it was a flock of snow geese, winging it faster than the ones we usually see, and, being the color of snow, catching the sun so they were, in part at least, golden. I held my breath as we do sometimes to stop time when something wonderful has touched us as with a match, which is lit, and bright, but does not hurt in the common way, but delightfully, as if delight were the most serious thing you ever felt. The geese flew on, I have never seen them again. Maybe I will, someday, somewhere. Maybe I won't. It doesn't matter. What matters is that, when I saw them, I saw them as through the veil, secretly, joyfully, clearly. |
AuthorI'm Claire - and I (re)learn something every day from practising and teaching mindfulness... Archives
March 2022
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