I recently watched ‘Horizon: A week without lying, the honesty experiment’ and while I wasn’t sure about the programme overall, I felt an affinity with Mo during her week of trying to be more truthful. Mo is on the introvert side of the introversion/extroversion spectrum and is a freelance advertising consultant. In meetings with her clients she often feels the need to put on a ‘performance’, through being out of her natural comfort zone. A psychologist comments during the programme that “society increasingly favours the gregarious extrovert, while introverts need to invest more effort to fit into society”. They are easily (over) stimulated and need time to themselves to recharge.
Mo’s week was emotional and seemed to trigger one of those lightbulb moments of insight that can change the course of our lives. Through being asked to focus on honesty and her own authenticity, she found that she was able to be more skilfully direct, with really good results. Mo’s experience resonates deeply with me as a fellow introvert (an ‘INFJ’ if you are into Myers Briggs), particularly thinking about my earlier career. I was successful in my publishing job. My personal integrity has always been very important to me and so the people I worked with trusted me to try to do the right thing, and to maintain my high standards. At the same time though, I was an introvert playing the part of an extrovert – in meetings, in presentations, while networking – and this demanded a great deal of mental and physical energy. There were opportunities to develop skills and techniques through mentoring and training (confidence, assertiveness, negotiation, communication…). But further down the road now I think what I could have used most then was ‘mindfulness’, and all that it encompasses. The self-awareness that mindfulness continues to bring me, a ‘to-my-bones’ genuine self-awareness, allows me to see myself and the world around me more clearly and with gentleness. I notice when I am reacting in a way that is not true to myself or others, based on conditioning or fear. I notice when unhelpful thought patterns are creeping in. I notice when I am out of my comfort zone and how to respond to this. I intend to keep practising listening and then speaking more mindfully. I have found that if I start from a place of mindfulness, with gentleness and patience, the more skilful way to respond tends to show itself. And the intertwining of insight and compassion that is mindfulness is teaching me that it’s ok to be me as I am. https://www.bbc.co.uk/…/horizon-2018-7-a-week-without-lying…
0 Comments
I've felt myself reacting and pushing against strong emotions, stress, and tiredness in our household this week.
'The Five Invitations' which hangs out by my bed reminds me to allow what is here to be here (The Five Invitations, Frank Ostaseski; probably the book I would most recommend to everyone): 'We worry that acceptance means conformity and mediocrity. We wonder if it puts us in danger of becoming a doormat for others. But here's the truth: we can't change something that we haven't accepted. So first we need to accept. That doesn't mean we won't shift behaviours or skillfully intervene when necessary. Acceptance is not resignation. It is an opening to possibility. And openness is the basis for a skillful response to life.' I love a blustery walk back from school - it invokes the image of allowing experience to blow and flow through me. Noticing planning thoughts, a fizzy mix of excited and nervous feelings about the day ahead, thoughts about the morning's conversations... stepping back a little, welcoming them all and letting them come and go as I walk.
Stepping out for home from a meeting this morning – assimilating a huge amount of information about a group I will be working with over the coming year, with my heart aching and my emotional load high.
I turned right instead of going straight on, into the park, knowing intellectually that I needed to ground myself in the now. Lost in my head I actively made myself look at the conker cases and browning leaves. Walking on I noticed my breathing was shallow, and that I was clutching my notebook tightly to my chest as if my life depended on it. For a while longer I carried on hugging my notebook and myself. Then I consciously changed walking posture, dropping my arms to my sides and allowing my chest to open. I began breathing more deeply. My mind followed my body’s example and began to open and calm a little. It was a lovely moment of revelation. Our body and mind are entwined. When we listen our bodies can reveal what is going on in our minds and in turn we can consciously use our body to help our mind open, soften, settle… A particularly strong wave of change passing through today. Yesterday we were enjoying the last day of the holidays at Legoland, today the boys are back at school. The house is very quiet.
I have been using the Insight Timer app a lot recently – in particular, guided mindfulness meditation practices by Joseph Goldstein. I could listen to his words for hours. The practices are short – around 10 minutes each – and I then sit afterwards, guiding myself along his theme, for however long time allows. This morning I meditated to his ‘Quiet and Connected’ guided practice... “If you find that the mind has many thoughts arising, that is not a problem, recognise that in the moment of your being aware you are already mindful again, and then simply coming back to the awareness of the body sitting again, the awareness of the breath.” |
AuthorI'm Claire - and I (re)learn something every day from practising and teaching mindfulness... Archives
March 2022
Categories |